Classic Velocity

Patient: Doc, it happened again.

Doctor: Relax on the couch and tell me all about it.

Patient: Well, first I had a few restless nights as the time got closer. I called a few of the group members for support like you told me, but they were just like me. Some were even worse.

Doctor: Did you try any of my other suggestions?

Patient: Yes Doc, I got up and wrote a list of the objects of my anxiety. Then I wrote down why they made me anxious. It didn’t work, they all seem so, well….rational. Sensible. Necessary even.

Doctor: What about separating things into categories as I had suggested?

Patient: I tried that too, but there was so much to contemplate, and not enough plastic bins. I got analysis paralysis. And then I ran out of time as usual. It’s hopeless.

Doctor: I see we have much more work to do in that area. Tell me about right before the event.

Patient: A group of us began emailing and calling each other so that we could support each other. We thought we would leave very early and travel to the site of the incident. We would confront it head on, together.

Doctor: And how did that make you feel?

Patient: Better. The last time I went alone I got hurt bad. I was not strong enough.

Doctor: Does the group make you stronger, or are you simply hiding behind them?

Patient: I don’t know, I find comfort in knowing that there are others like me, but they are no help. They may even be making me worse.

Doctor: So you believe the group is responsible for your condition?

Patient: Yes, the group, the gruppe, Butzi, the 550 spider, my father, leaky heat exchangers, the 356 registry, all of them. They did this to me!

Doctor: Ok, calm down. Are there any cigars, hot dogs, drive shafts, push rods, or other phallic symbols at the event?

Patient: Yes, quite a lot.

Doctor: Hhmmm, I see. Is it risky or dangerous in any way?

Patient: Yes. You could get tetanus, or go bankrupt. Back in 03, Claudius ran out of money in Aisle B and was never seen again. And then there are those french fries…

Doctor: Is there the possibility of great victory over your adversaries?

Patient: Yes, you could beat them in the fierce battle of the concours, or just find the best horn button.

Doctor: Is it conducted in an arena or battlefield?

Patient: Yes. A Giant Arena.

Doctor: Are there chariots?

Patient: Oh yes, there are glorious chariots. And artisans of said chariots, and purveyors of fine conveyance, and fine clothiers, and fine literature, and fine funnel cakes.

Doctor: Funnel cakes?

Patient: Yes, funnel cakes.

Doctor: Well, we are out of time, but I think you have made good progress this session. We are getting close to the source of your anxiety. I will see you again in 2 weeks.

Patient: No need Doc, remember the next Hershey Porsche Swap Meet is not until April 2013.

Doctor: Yes of course. Well, take two Radio Flyer wagons and call me in the morning.